31 Things About Me

I recently read Mindy Kaling’s book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” and discovered that there is one more person in the world who thinks “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” is a classic. That was validating. It also inspired me to write this rambling post of all the things you never wanted to know about me.

1. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a TWA flight attendant and an FBI agent, in that order. I ended up a lawyer and amateur food blogger – go figure. TWA is defunct.
2. I read “Moby Dick” in three days when I was 9 years old and I loved it. I was a weird kid.
3. If I ever get a dog, it will be a Great Dane and I will name him Sherlock.
4. I have “British goggles” – people with a British accent are automatically more attractive and smarter.
5. If I ever have kids, I want to name them exotic and foreign names, like Xochitl, Boromir or Siobhan. But never, ever Maddox.
6. Hello, my name is Yuliya and I’m a shopaholic.
7. I really want to keep chickens in my backyard but our homeowners’ association won’t permit it. But it permits fountains, gargoyles, cherubs, flamingos, Virgin Marys and glowing glass balls all to coexist together in one person’s front yard like a tacky and hideous homage to an English garden.
8. I didn’t start cooking until I was about 30 years old. I mean, wait, I’m only 27, what am I saying??!
9.  I sing opera when driving alone in my car.
10. One of my biggest regrets in life is not keeping up with my violin lessons. Why does mother always have to be    right??!!
11. I bottle up anger until I have a violent reaction that seems disproportionate to the situation, but really you’ve been pushing my buttons for a long time.
12. I am way into horoscopes and get legitimately depressed when all the good parts don’t come true 100%.
13. I started taking gymnastics when I was 11 years old. By the time I turned 12, I was 5’6″ and they kicked me out. Something about the parallel bars being hazardous to tall people.
14. I am only comfortable in a temperature range from 72F to 78F. Below that I wear a hat and above that I can’t function.
15. I wear my hair in a ponytail 99.9% of the time. It’s just easier.
16. My neighbor recently asked me “So, when’s your husband buying you a new car?” Hmm, didn’t know I needed one, point taken.
17. I take really, really bad selfies.
18. I can’t do a single push-up but I can carry a whole bunch of boxes of shoes to a register.
19. When I was little, I wanted to be named Lada. Then I found out my Dad wanted to name me Lada, but was vetoed by Mom because “Lada” was a Russian car model. I hated Mom for days over that.
20. For a skinny girl, I have pretty fat big toes.
21. I have written (but not published) a semi-autobiographical book. Is semi-autobiographical a genre? If not, then I have just invented it, so please contact me should you require a user license.
22. When I taught college classes, a female student once accused me of being sexist. I am a woman and so was the entire class. Well, except for one guy, but he had boobs.
23. I was on a pretty big kick of drawing princesses when I was in 2nd grade. Like, I drew a different pretty pretty princess every single day for weeks.
24. I think Channing Tatum’s ears are too big. There, I said it. Sorry, Channing.
25. I buy lots of make-up just to have, not really to wear. I like all the colors.
26. My sister calls my fashion style “granny chic.”
27. I think Robin Wright jogs all the time in real life because she does so on “House of Cards.”
28. If I ever win the lottery, I will travel to the Kentucky Derby and bet on a horse called “Rezidentura” - like “Secretariat,” only better.
29. I have diagnosed Angelina Jolie and Michelle Duggar with “Kinderbauzaun” (child-hoarding in German) – it’s a real thing.
30. Lindsey Lohan and I share a birthday. But that is ALL we have in common, I swear.
31. I’m horrible at reading “captchas.”   NGMNURT? NGRRMUT? I don’t know.
Well, there – now we’re fully acquainted. Feel free to share fun and quirky things about yourself with me – I will be hurt if you don’t.
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